Bistronomics: The Only Way To Solve Restaurant Squabbling

[Originally posted on /Ambivalence as "Being the Bank". Sorry that they are broken now, but there's really no way to redirect in Typepad.]

Last night I was out with a group of thirteen for dinner: a friend's birthday. As usual, the party's good feelings were tied up in knots by the usual squabbling about who should pay how much. Some had no alcohol, others no dessert, and so on.

I offer this recommendation to others, as a way to avoid this messy end-game.

To completely derail the whole mess, one member of the party should announce that they will be "The Bank," meaning that they are going to pay the bill, no matter what happens. The other members can take a look at the bill and/or the menu, and should decide to pay whatever they think is fair, and the best is to pay cash, but individuals can pay the restaurant by credit card, if the establishment is willing. The hook is that the Bank does not add up the cash paid in by any one specifically, so each person's determination of what is fair is private, and their contributions anonymous (to the degree that is possible).

Note, this works best when it is announced in the invitation, along with an explanation of how it works. And I believe that it should fall to the host, in general, to act as the Bank, except in special circumstance, like someone's birthday party.

My experience to date has been great. People don't squabble, and while various approaches are used -- some divide by the number of people and add a tip, others add up specifically what they consumed and add a tip, others do something else -- in general I have not been left paying a huge tab. It averages out: a few dollars ahead, a few dollars behind. Best of all, though, there are no wasted minutes in the waning moments of an otherwise pleasant dinner where someone is explaining that they didn't eat the oysters and others ordered expensive champagne.

Comments

[Michael Clarke]

Having read all the posts surrounding this most important of issues (two weeks worth of neglected feeds and I zoom in restaurant bills??), concluding with this one, I must have admit I've used the bank system a couple of times - normally to stop the incessant bickering that goes together with people who think they have wildly disparate levels of income dining together. Don't think it's ever cost me more than a tenner.

[TrackSuit CEO]

Speaking as someone who absolutely hates awkward moments when the check comes, I think this ideas is brilliant. It's so simple and responsible. And it creates a sort of honor system within the dinner party.
Announcing it in advance is also key, even if the announcement is made right before everyone orders. While the bank rarely loses, I've been the impromptu save-the-day, eliminate awkwardness, bank before and I've lost sorely.
Thanks for the tip!

[Deirdré living in Italy]

Is this precision about the bill an American cultural trait? I have often been baffled by it. Years ago I writhed with embarrassment as three people, all much older than I, wrangled over who owed what on a diner bill that TOTALED around $10 for 4 adults. Had I been one of the older adults in the group, I would simply have paid the damn thing (as I often do now when I find myself at a meal with younger and arguably poorer people than myself).

In Italy I have had the opposite embarrassment: big dinners (30-40 people) where the total was simply divided by the number of people present, no matter who ate what - I was embarrassed because I tend to be one of the more expensive eaters in the group, but no one else cared.

[rose]

We need a special claus in this system for inebriated consumers. Sometimes when Tom has had a few too many, he either empties his wallet without regard for the contents, or compltely forgets what he owes. In my circles, Tom is asked to leave his credit card with the banker at the start.

[Stephanie Booth]

I thought this photo from reboot was quite relevant: http://flickr.com/photos/charles_nouyrit/526758320/

[Bill Seitz]

This doesn't seem like it solves the real psychological problem, because you still have to decide between even-splits and detailed accounting.

If there's less visible squabbling, maybe it's just because everyone who's not the banker feels guilty about making a fuss.

Maybe that's good enough, since under the normal process the negative squabbling cycle can escalate even to make everyone feel worse and worse...

[Brian Cuban]

I have actually done that and seen it done. It is generally a stress free way to handle mulitple party checks or much to the chagrin of the waiter, he gets 20 credit cards thrown at him Waiters have to become math majors....

[Katherine]

It also works well to simply eat at restaurants that serve family-style. That way everyone expects going in that the number of dishes won't match the number of people.

[Laura Iriarte]

It does work out just fine...and our waitress got a fat tip that night! :)