Bush Economic Stimulus: Make Begging Legal

Washington DC — President Bush threw his support behind Congressional efforts to put together an economic stimulus package, stating “It should be immediate, and should not cut back on the advances that we’ve made in the economy in the past few years.” President Bush is adamant that tax cuts should not be rolled back, because leaving money in the hands of those well-off enough to pay taxes has done such a wonderful job in the economy since he’s taken office. When asked whether this trickle-down approach has worked, he answered “Imagine how much worse it would be if those people who got tax breaks hadn’t! We could be in a full-blown recession, right now, instead of this little panic!”

President Bush also pushed his newest program for helping those who are not going to be directly benefited by the tax refunds. “I know that some will not be getting refunds, so I am moving to get new legislation passed immediately, on a Federal level, make it totally legal for people to beg. We are also going to redraft the child labor laws, so that poor people can take their children from school to help their families by begging, too. We want no child left behind, after all. And this is just an extension in our faith-based charitable initiatives, but here we are allowing the poor to be more entrepreneurial, instead of waiting for some organization or government agency to give them a hand-out.”

Democratic leaders are expected to go ahead with grudging support for the President’s programs, since they cannot muster support in the Republican side of the aisle to overturn a proposed veto from the President on any legislation lacking his programs. Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the house, said “At least we can get something in the hands of the working class, since the President has not agreed to increases in Food Stamps or other direct subsidies to those making minimum wage or below. And we are going to try to get some of the Republicans to cross the aisle on legalized prostitution, which we think could help millions below the poverty line, getting money in their hands as soon as Saturday night.”