Being The Bank: The Only Way To End Restaurant Squabbling (original)

[Originally posted on /Ambivalence]

Last night I was out with a group of thirteen for dinner: a friend’s birthday. As usual, the party’s good feelings were tied up in knots by the usual squabbling about who should pay how much. Some had no alcohol, others no dessert, and so on.

I offer this recommendation to others, as a way to avoid this messy end-game.

To completely derail the whole mess, one member of the party should announce that they will be “The Bank,” meaning that they are going to pay the bill, no matter what happens. The other members can take a look at the bill and/or the menu, and should decide to pay whatever they think is fair, and the best is to pay cash, but individuals can pay the restaurant by credit card, if the establishment is willing. The hook is that the Bank does not add up the cash paid in by any one specifically, so each person’s determination of what is fair is private, and their contributions anonymous (to the degree that is possible).

Note, this works best when it is announced in the invitation, along with an explanation of how it works. And I believe that it should fall to the host, in general, to act as the Bank, except in special circumstance, like someone’s birthday party.

My experience to date has been great. People don’t squabble, and while various approaches are used — some divide by the number of people and add a tip, others add up specifically what they consumed and add a tip, others do something else — in general I have not been left paying a huge tab. It averages out: a few dollars ahead, a few dollars behind. Best of all, though, there are no wasted minutes in the waning moments of an otherwise pleasant dinner where someone is explaining that they didn’t eat the oysters and others ordered expensive champagne.